Keg Stand

Advanced Party Technique:

I have done my best to illustrate this complicated party practive with pictures:

1. Recruit

If you wish to do a kegstand you have to voice this descion to you fellow party goers. You can accomplish this by seeking people out on an individual basis and politly asking them if they would hold you up as you drank beer from the "keg stand" position. Although we here at Keg Party reccomend you just yell "I'm gonna do an F-ing KEG STAND!" and allow zealous volunteers to assist you.

2. The Grip

Fig 1.1

Make sure you firmly hold the keg handles with both your right AND your left hands as seen in figure 1.1 (to the left). Extreme Keg Standers have been known to attempt the "one handed" keg stand but we would reccomend you perfect your basic keg standing techniques before you attempt to master new skills.

3. Holding you up

Fig. 1.2

This is probably the second most important step in a keg stand. Your recruits from figure one should grab both of your legs and firmly hold you in the air. If you are a lard ass a waist grip may be required to hold your obesity in the proper ~85 degree angle needed to properly hose you with swill being served at your establishment.

4. Drink Beer

Fig 1.3

Ok now this is REALLY IMPORTANT. WHen you are in the elevated position one of your helpers should place the "tap" into you "mouth" and then you should try your damndest to chug this beverage at a very high rate of speed. Notice in figure 1.3 that the mouth is upside down and beer is being pored into it. This is the very essence of the Keg stand. If you are just chugging beer out of the tap please consult step 3 and try again.  It is important to get this right.

5. Duties as a Partier

Figure 1.4

It is your solemn dutie as a partier who is witnessing a "keg-stand" to either yell "CHUG CHUG CHUG!" or yell out the number of second the "keg-stander" is housing beer. You would start this count at one and yell out number is an incremental fashion until the keg stand has reached maturity and completes.  If you are a women you should rub your breasts on the "Keg-stander" after the keg stand is completed to show your appreciation for providing entertainment for the party.

Questions regarding this technique? [email protected]